I know that it’s my fault. They don’t think I care, the rest of them, they don’t think I feel any remorse. But I do, and I am so, so sorry.
What I did was completely unjustifiable. It doesn’t matter that I had my reasons, and it doesn’t matter that I couldn’t think straight. I might have been furious and heartbroken, but I never should have even considered killing them all. And I think I knew from the moment I agreed to Sollux’s duel that things would get out of hand. But I just didn’t care! I felt- and still feel, just a little- that they deserved what was coming. What kind of monster does that make me?
The worst part is, I know I’m still not devoid of the feelings that led me to kill Feferi and Kanaya. I’m still mad inside, still furious at them all, and I can’t imagine that will ever go away. It’s too much a part of who I am. I will always be like that and I hate myself for it. And that’s what I show th